Posted: December 29, 2009 in December

i feel like i realize it’s done, but i keep having breakdowns…stupid songs and pictures remind me. i guess i have to rebuild my walls…i have to keep reminding myself that he’s not coming back. i still feel like it was partly my fault. i wish he would have just listened to me! i still don’t understand a lot of what happened, but there’s nothing i can do about it. i am still trying to figure out if the dreams are a good thing or not…right now they just cause pain, but i suppose pain is better than nothing…yes i know that sounds very emo…maybe i am just emo…everytime i am upset i have stupid accidents and get hurt somehow…oh and just a minor note, i do curse and when i feel strongly about something i am going to curse. so if that’s a problem people should let me know. i am finding that this blog isn’t really random  happy thoughts now, it’s more of meaningful thoughts, tho sometimes they are random…a way to get my thoughts out. i want to work on my story but i don’t dare right now. i decided to put my memories into it. it’s painful at times…


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