just let go…

Posted: February 1, 2010 in February

He’s been gone for…a month now. Through all the tears I can honestly say “yes I am mad at him still for leaving.” But even though he left, for the time I had him I did need him. He was the only one I really trusted after my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. He made it bearable for me. “Don’t worry about it. He’s going to be miserable, I dated her remember? It’s his lose anyway,” that’s what he told me. Sadly for the month that he’s been gone I’ve honestly kicked myself so many times for believing him. But I still miss him…

I think he’s the only person I’ve ever liked right as I met them. I’ve known him for three years now. I know I still love him. Even if I never see him again, I know I’ll always love him. Unfortunately that will also bring worry. He’s going into the marines. I remember when he first told me. I was shocked. I’ve always been afraid of the military; it’s just the way I was raised. Nobody went into the military unless it was their last option. I suppose it was his last option. But then again he was my last option. The song by Lady Antibellum “Need you now” just seems to apply to me so well now…

It was December twenty-third. I hadn’t been texting him because hi family was suppose to be there for the holidays. I cheated though. I think I was telling him about a book one of our friends got me hooked on…his response was I am getting ready to get on a plane. I didn’t understand. That’s when he told me he was moving to Maine to live with his dad. I tried to talk him out of it, but it was no good. I wasn’t enough to make him want to stay. I cried for days. But what I truly free foolish for is believing what he told me for the whole three months we were talking. He never told me he had a girlfriend in Maine. It crushed me when he told me why he was going to Maine. “My dad and girlfriend are there.”

After realizing he lied to me for so long I am still not sure if it’s best that he’s gone. I miss him so much, and even though he hurt me so much I still love him and always will. I guess I’ve stopped wishing he’d come back or even try to contact me again. I honestly don’t know what I would do or say. Even after the stupid promise he made to me saying he would stay in touch. I suppose it’s better for me that he doesn’t. Time to move on and hopefully forget…

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