Editing…

Posted: August 5, 2010 in August
Tags: , , , , ,

People like to say that they don’t edit themselves. That they say what they truly want to say. Bull. People say what they think others want to hear. People sugar coat. I would love to say that I don’t do this, that I say what I want when I want, but I honestly don’t. You find yourself saying something that you think will be less offensive. Why? Even when someone asks for the open and plain, the honest truth.

So let’s have some truth. The truth for me right now? I can’t wait to move out of my father’s house. I can’t wait to be free to have choices and to make the wrong ones. In the whole truth I can’t believe what a slut she is. I can’t believe the pain he’s going through because of you. (I am sure if you’ve read this far in this post and in my blog [you know who you are] that you’ve probably realized how I feel about you right now. Both of you.) I can’t believe that I feel this way about a thing that was for pure fun. I can’t believe how much I worked and for nothing. I am tired of the lectures about money. Yes I know I have to get a job and that my father will not be supporting me, which I never really expected him to…I miss knowing what I could do to you, with so little given. I miss knowing that at the end of the day you honestly listened and cared. I miss you, and I honestly hope that I don’t move on, that I don’t find something better, that somehow the “we” thing that was going can happen again.

Wow. How’s that for truth. Not a single sugar coat. And you know what I honestly don’t care if I’ve offended someone. Maybe it’s because I know they won’t read this far…

I wish he’d read this. I wonder if he has. To be honest I started this post thinking about him. I remembered telling him how I don’t think anyone ever edits what they text. He said he’d remember that when texting me. I remember saying that I do edit what I text. Well That was a lie. When I texted him I was purely honest. And I hope he was too. The things he told me made me honestly wonder if he was lying, but I don’t think he did. Again in total honesty I miss him. I really do. And no matter how much people tell me I’ll move on and that I can do better, I don’t think I will or even want to.

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