Real Life

Posted: September 19, 2010 in September
Tags: , , , , , ,

I know for the past months I’ve said I don’t need my dad. That we don’t get along and that I couldn’t wait to move out and be on my own…I said I was an adult and that I didn’t need a father anymore. I was wrong. I needed my dad last night. I needed one of the only people in this world that really care about me and want what’s best for me. The only person that even though it’s tough sometimes to see it truly cares about me and wants me to be ok.

I felt terrible last night. My best friend and roommate wanted to bring home a cat last night. It was cute. And if it weren’t against the rules to have pets in our dorm I would have said yes. But it’s against the rules and I can’t afford to lose my dorm. I hated having to be the one to tell her no. I hated having to be the bad guy to my only friend in my dorm. The only girl that would never say something behind my back, the only girl that would stand up for me. And I had to tell her no last night. I made her cry last night. I was a monster last night.

I didn’t know what to do last night. I didn’t know who I could turn to last night. I just needed someone. I called my dad last night. I called him last night for the first time truly needing to talk to him, wishing he could be here with me. And even though my dad told me I was doing the right thing and that it would all be ok, I had to talk to someone I knew wouldn’t judge me by the clothes I wear or what religion I am.

Sometimes I just can’t believe how people truly are. They lie, cheat, and hurt each other on a regular basis. The girls I live with talk about each other when we’re not around and lie and keep secrets from each other. I am not ready for this. Maybe you could say I am more mature than “drama” or that I just not into the trouble it causes. I honestly don’t know. I do know that last night I destroyed the only relationship I could truly count on here in college all because of a cat. I know that I am truly not ready to be the adult and that I do still need my dad. All because of a cat.

Most of the girls in my dorm don’t think that my parents and I are very close because they don’t come to visit me. I am the only girl that hasn’t gone home on the weekends or had a parent come to visit. I don’t know that my parents and I aren’t close. I suppose if I really wasn’t ready for college I’d be going home on the weekends or my parents would have helped me move in or something, but maybe my parents are just counting on me to be an adult and be able to handle college on my own.

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Comments
  1. bridgette says:

    you will always need a dad. you are lucky you have him

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