Yes, I Really Want This!

Posted: October 19, 2010 in October
Tags: , , , , , ,

No this isn’t meant to sound like a little kid in the middle of a grocery store throwing a tantrum over a toy. It just seems that I’ve been faced with this question a lot lately. And I really do think the answer is yes. I just wish it were yes on both sides. I just wish I had the courage to walk up and explain what’s going on and hope for…I am not exactly sure what. But I am a coward who’s afraid of rejection, who even though I’ll be wallowing in misery in silence, making everyone else miserable in the process, won’t ever build up enough courage for this to start the conversation on my own! I just get too quiet and shy when there’s a serious conversation going on with a guy that I am really into. And even though it hurts I will stay silent. Even though you’ll probably never know or realize how much I care about you, I will stay silent. I accept the pain and all the responsibility that comes with it.

Last night I was thinking about the movie Seven Pounds. And yes I am spoiling the ending, but Will Smith’s character ends up committing suicide to save a girl he falls in love with. I don’t know why but I just can’t help but wonder would I ever be willing to do that? Maybe not right now, but could I ever do that for a person? Not even a spouse but could I do that for a parent, a friend, a child? Would I be willing to give up everything for that person?

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