A Fine Hole

Posted: February 13, 2011 in February
Tags: , , , , , ,

At some point in our lives we all step back and look at our progress. Sometimes the progress can be good or back, positive or negative. Right now I feel neutral, yet slightly negative. I find myself in a hole of sort and it’s my own fault. I’ve been letting outside forces make my decisions for me. Those outside forces dare you ask are my friends. My only refuge in this new life of mine. I let my friends influence me in ways that they shouldn’t. I like to say I am getting better; I say no more often when they want to go out, I try to point out the views that others could have when it makes them mad that someone disagrees. Sadly in all truthfulness I…I am wondering how I’ve become friends with most of these people. Some are just because and were quick little bonds, but now in times where we’ve been together so long I am noticing things I really can’t stand about these people. The loudness, the immaturity, the stupidity, it’s all those little things I can’t stand now. It may not seem like important things but when the sound of a person’s typing is so loud it wakes you up, yeah it’s a problem. And now asking if I want to room with these people next year…No I don’t. I won’t mind still knowing them, but distance has always been a very good thing for any of my relationships.

I’ve found that in all of the pushing and prodding I’ve let them get away with I can’t have what I really want. I let the fact that they wanted to help me get a man find me in this nice hole of mine that I am much more concerned with than the fact that I can’t stand living with them anymore. I have a guy semi interested in me now, because I played the part when I was bored. I don’t like him, I never really have. And now there’s a guy that I do like. I don’t know him well, but he’s funny and interesting and a bit of a mystery, and my age…The only problem is the fact that my friends don’t realize what I know I need. My friends don’t like the fact that the guy I like is a good Mormon. He’s getting ready to go on a mission and everything. I need someone to make me want to do what I know is right, I know this. I’ve known this for a long time. I want someone to care about what I am doing and remind me that I know what’s right…This guy is a good choice, but a bad idea now…What a fine hole I’ve found myself in…

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