Archive for the ‘February’ Category

Forget Me Not

Posted: February 28, 2011 in February
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I hope that in the future you don’t forget me, because I know I won’t forget you. I’ll always remember what you’ve done for me, even if it was something so simple and I didn’t really do anything for you. Maybe I’ll be able to do something in return to ensure that you never forget me too. I hope that somehow when all of this is gone I get to see you again. In the future when it doesn’t seem like it was that big of a deal I’ll remind you how you saved me.



Posted: February 28, 2011 in February
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For the first time since my brother left for his mission he made me cry from his email today. It was just so happy and amazing. It was just about how I am happy now too. I think it’s because I realized what was wrong with my life. I am fixing that now too. Everything is going to be alright now. For the first time in my life I can say that and mean it. It’s not just my attempts at optimism, it’s really me knowing that everything will happen for a reason and somehow in all the chaos beauty can appear.


Posted: February 28, 2011 in February
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I don’t know why but I just feel weird now. I was called something that I never thought I would be. Inactive. I don’t like it. What if all that has happened is nothing more than a project? Am I a project for a guy? Is this just to get experience for the future? I hope it’s not. But then again in the beginning that was the plan. I should know by now I never stick to my plans, why do I even make them anymore?


Posted: February 27, 2011 in February
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I feel amazing right now. I can’t explain it or even why. It’s like I know deep deep down that I’ve found something so amazing and wonderful that I can’t possibly let it go. It’s just so nice a change and I know I have to fight to keep what I want too. But I am willing to do that. And even to wait.


Posted: February 24, 2011 in February
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Saying that you only did something because you cared about someone is a load of crap. I don’t like it when people telling me I can’t do something and use the excuse that they don’t want to see me get hurt. Getting hurt is a part of life. If I have no pain then I must not be living.


Posted: February 23, 2011 in February
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Irony is a funny thing. Somehow after I had given up on it, my evil plan seems to have started to work. Amazing. I feel amazing and it’s total greatness. If anything I can’t really lose too badly if it works.

Dying Inside

Posted: February 22, 2011 in February
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I dreamed about him again last night. It didn’t really bother me that much. Not at first. But then I realized the dream was about me dying and that the only thing I would want as I lie dying on the cold ground somewhere would be just to see him one more time. I’d die happy if he’d actually talk to me…