Posts Tagged ‘family’

I Have No Life

Posted: May 27, 2011 in May
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Well this isn’t exactly what I would consider a bad thing. I mean sure my day consists of doing really nothing, my accomplishment usually is getting dressed and then progresses into seeing how long I stay that way. It’s been only my cousin and I for almost two days. We both don’t talk much so it’s been rather quiet. I do enjoy the time to myself, but at times like this I am so bored out of my mind that I just want to go back to sleep. I’ve been living on instant oatmeal, popcorn, ramen and mountain dew for so long I am amazed I even wake up anymore.

I am doing chores for my aunt and uncle at the moment. They have two beautiful Dalmatians. I’ll admit I can’t remember the male’s name, Cota or something like that, but the female Abby is so cute. I pet her and it amazes me how soft her fur is. The male, I’ve been calling him Buddy since I can’t remember his name, is cautious of me, but he too is very cute. His fur isn’t as soft as Abby’s but it’s very close. Abby is an escape artist so I have to watch her closely. And then there are the chickens. I don’t like chickens. It’s not that I am scared of them, I just don’t like them. Maybe it’s the nonstop crowing they do. It will be 2 a.m. and you can hear them crowing. I hate chickens.

It sometimes amazes me how little me and my cousin speak. I think it’s because before I moved here I met him maybe once. He’s my aunt’s son from a former marriage so I am still getting to know her and him. I know her better just because I actually see her from time to time. My cousin works the night shift, so when he’s not working he’s sleeping. I thought before my aunt and uncle left I had made some leeway with my cousin. We seemed to be getting along good. We talked occasionally even. But now no one needs to worry about a party. We’re both much to quiet for that. But my roommate gets back sometime tomorrow so that could change. To be honest I am enjoying having the room to myself. It’s quiet, dark and I can do whatever I like and dress however I like. Sometimes walking around in practically nothing isn’t acceptable, but when one is alone does it really matter?

Enough?

Posted: May 10, 2011 in May
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I am getting nervous about moving out. I am not nervous about where I am living or who is my landlord. All of those are easy. I am living on my uncle’s property and he’s my landlord. What worries me is my roommate. One of my roommates from the dorms is going to live there with me, but I am wondering how this is going to work out. She’s very much independent and I am still getting used to the idea. I know my uncle won’t push us around and stuff, but she gets…odd about things when I ask if it’s ok if someone spends the night or sits in on dinner. To me that’s just being considerate of others. If my uncle isn’t comfortable with someone staying or being there then they won’t be there.

I am also worried about the close quarters and how I am going to be treated. My roommate is gay and she’s already talked about having sex there with her girlfriend. I told her I didn’t want them doing that there. Most of that decision is for my sake but then there’s the thoughts of how my family would feel about that. I love my roommate like a sister, but if I am not going to be treated fairly or my opinion isn’t going to be heard I might as well have gone home to my father.

My roommate is assertive in ways I am not. But sometimes she asserts all over me. “When are you going to be independent? When are you going to stop letting your father rule you?” You have to understand my situation. It’s not an easy one…I know we both have had hard lives before college, but she can’t just assume she had it worse and she knows how everything should be handled. I don’t like just jumping into a “solution” for a problem. I have to think about how it’s going to effect me and others…


It makes me giggle a little how popular blogging has become. I was on Facebook earlier and saw that my brother has started his first blog. Haha! I love it. It’s called Thoughts from a Mormon Cowboy! I hope the link works. It’s so very my brother. He’s on a mission right now for our church, The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (wow that’s a mouth full to type…), and he’s being very, I like to call it, common sense about comparing religion to every day life living on a ranch.

around the house 038

We were raised on a ranch. I think it may have been the best thing for us. Our father taught us to have common sense and to always think. Most people don’t do that much now. My father says that he raised us the best he thought he could and I believe he did an awesome job. The things that people think are so important for parents to do, those small things that don’t really matter, like going to every single play or match or anything didn’t happen a lot. But my dad was always showing his support for us. He’d go to as many games as he could and he always made sure we had what we needed. He did great.

peace

I think back and what really encouraged me to start my blog? Well I was watching a movie about a girl who started a cooking blog, I believe it was called Julie and Julia, and I thought, “How great would it be to get my thoughts and ideas out of just my small area and maybe find people who share my opinion or maybe even find people who challenge my ideas and make me have to try and prove they are worth fighting for.” I would encourage everyone to try and write a blog or just to write. Challenge your ideas and challenge others to write along side you! Imagine how much intellect we could cause to explode if we all challenged our ideas and tried to teach each other! It would be an Enlightenment Age all over again. A Renaissance of ideas. And not only ideas, but subject matter! Think of all that could stem from just an idea. Art, music, politics, architecture, philosophy, anything we could put our minds to!

Chilling

Posted: January 21, 2011 in December
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I didn’t get much sleep last night. One of the down falls of living in a dorm is being at the mercy of everyone around you and whatever they could possibly be doing. Last night it was music and a party. midnight to three a.m. I don’t know if it’s just my being tired but today is just one of those days that you just don’t really care. My brother surprised me with a message on Facebook, which was rather odd seeing how he’s on a mission for our church and isn’t suppose to be allowed on internet sites. Anyway the whole point of his message was how I am messing up apparently and does our father know and am I even going to church. I really thought I’d have more freedom in college.

I am finding more and more that there is nowhere that I am truly free to do as I will. No matter what I do someone is always watching or reading or I don’t even know. I am feeling more and more that Facebook is something evil and should be treated like a spy…

And the pounding music starts again. I feel so ice cold right now. I miss having someone that truly understood me. Someone that was sad when I was sad and happy when I was happy. I miss having someone texting me until I fall asleep and making me feel bad for falling asleep. I miss feeling beautiful and sexy even when I am filthy and a total mess. I miss having someone that made it seem like there was nothing that could go wrong…Like no matter how terrible things got it would all pass and it’d be okay…

Tales of Travel

Posted: November 13, 2010 in November
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Well I’ve just gotten back recently from going to my hometown with my two best friends, Shyanne and Christy. Neither of them had ever been to Elfrida, or heard of it for that matter. It was fun. They saw where I grew up and met my dad. Then we went to my mom’s and they saw where I get my craziness from. They say I am a lot like my mom. My mom took us to Bisbee then. Bisbee is my favorite place around my hometown and I loved showing Shyanne and Christy around there. I felt like a tourist and it was great. I am glad they came with me. My mom loved them and it was loads of fun!

Sure…Whatever You Say

Posted: September 3, 2010 in September
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I don’t think people are naturally wise. People do stupid things all the time and they never seem to learn from their mistakes. I know I certainly haven’t learned from my mistakes, I keep making the same ones…But you’d think after so many years a person would realize what the consequences of an action could be…No, they don’t.

My mom is moving in with her boyfriend (Yeah it’s way weird to have a mom dating when you aren’t…). I think it’s an extremely bad idea. She tells me that it’s more expensive for her to have an apartment and buy food for both her self and her boyfriend than if she just moved in with him. I have  very simple solution, don’t buy him food! If you’re spending so much time at a person’s home that you chip in to help pay for food something is severely wrong. I was hoping she’d realize that I am very uncomfortable with her decision, but I suppose she hasn’t caught my hints. I spent most of my time at my mom’s apartment over the past year or so and I really liked it there. It was worth the rent she was paying, or so I thought.

My mom has a bad tendency of taking every relationship very seriously, a tendency she passed on to me, I just pray I never think that something could work so well to just drop everything for that person…Every relationship I’ve heard of from her has ended with her moving into some guys apartment, him practically moving in with her or marriage. I’ll admit I understand her wanting to have someone, but I don’t know, I guess I’d hoped she’d grow out of that…

Family?

Posted: July 23, 2010 in July
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I never did understand my family very well. I am the well black sheep of my family, but to be honest there is more than one black sheep in my family. For some reason I split my family into two groups; my mom and sisters, and then my dad and brother. I am not really in either group. I am more of a mix of both.

My mom and sisters are the interesting side of the family. Always doing something that makes the other side look at them with shame. I don’t understand why. I usually just think they’re having fun with their lives. They actually live, is really what they do. They aren’t afraid to fail I suppose.

Then there is my dad and brother. Well to do, thought highly of, and expected much of. (I don’t really see how I put myself into this group now that I think of it. I am not much of any of that…) They are quite religious. (Oh, that’s it. I go to church, but so do my sisters.) My brother’s on a mission and my dad is a high spoken man in our church. (Maybe that’s it. I just speak. My opinion is always known. Yes, I like that. But I still get a lot of that from my mom…)

Our family is an odd one. I honestly can’t remember a time when we were all together and actually happy. My parents are divorced and my sisters are my half sisters from another marriage before my time. I’ve seen other families these traits in them and they work out either still tolerating each other and civil or not talking at all. My family isn’t really doing either. My parents talk maybe once a year, and if they must be in a room together (like at my graduation or my brother’s farewell for his mission) they’re at opposite ends of the room. Of course we all have our problems but I think that is at the root of all our problems. We don’t talk to each other and we keep secrets in our little rings.

But the rest of my family isn’t the part I am…vexed (I am not sure what word I want to use here…vexed, annoyed, troubled, smothered, beaten, agonized…I like vexed…) by. I live with my dad. I have for all my life, but it’s been probably around eight years since my mom left (my sisters were gone by then too…) and I’ve lived with him alone for almost a year since my brother left for his mission (Two years if you count him living away at college, but he came back like every weekend…). My dad doesn’t seem to know anything about me. He doesn’t even know I have a blog, or that I am trying to write a story or that my boyfriend broke up with me. I use to not mind that I was a part of the wall to him, but now I honestly wonder if he’ll miss me when I go to college.

He cried when my brother left. Will he cry for me too? Probably not. I wonder if he’d cry if he knew I never want to come back to this place…I really don’t know. He’d probably just disown me like everything else that could tarnish his perfect reputation. I got it! He’d miss me when he’d have to clean his nasty house himself! Yes I could really see that.

I honestly can’t wait to move out. Even if it’s hard for me to be in the real world, I am ready for it. You may wonder how is this eighteen year old girl ready for life. You’d be amazed what life I’ve had to life for almost ten years.