Seeing Through the Crap

I was talking on the phone with my mom on the phone today and I am glad she and I are so alike. We were talking about guys and we’ve come to a conclusion together. I’ve said this before and it makes me glad that my mom agrees with me, but I am not going to go just for Mormon guys anymore. I don’t even really see myself marrying a Mormon guy, like my dad would want me to, anymore. I just have never been happy with a Mormon guy. They are so extreme no matter which way you look at them. They either are too afraid to try anything or they are so sex deprived that sex is all they can think about. I want a guy that finds me attractive and wants to have sex with me, but not right off. I want a guy that can just have fun with me. Someone that I can relate with and just kick back and not have to worry about all the little shit. Just a man that I know I can rely on, a guy that could save me if I need saving, a guy that is willing to just let me cry on his shoulder if I need to, a guy that when my destructive side comes out is willing to help me fulfill that desire. A guy that is so amazing that I couldn’t believe I’d found him and never would want to say good-bye to. (And preferable a guy with an amazing accent…)

Independent

I am almost there. I am almost done with being told what to do and how to do things. I am almost living on my own. I am almost truly free.

I’ve realized something in the past 24 hours or so. I can do just fine on my own. Yes I’ve been rejected yet again, but even that blow doesn’t hurt much anymore. I’ve thought about becoming bi sexual, but honestly that just makes me chuckle. If it comes down to it if there is even a hint of a guy being interested in me I would pick a guy over a girl. But honestly I think just being me for a while sounds great. Yes I want to be with someone again, but I am free to do anything I want when I want.

The only reason I went after this last guy is all over prophecy really. He was Mormon, and seemed like a great guy. I could see myself having kids and all that good Mormon stuff with him. But after that I really don’t even know. I admit I chose him because I knew my family and religion would like him. But he’s not a guy that is for me. I need those guys that are out of the box and different. So screw trying to think ahead for when I get married. I have a new rule, well two new rules; No Mormon boys and no blondes. Who knows maybe I’ll find that guy someday that is just right… 

Blogging and Family

It makes me giggle a little how popular blogging has become. I was on Facebook earlier and saw that my brother has started his first blog. Haha! I love it. It’s called Thoughts from a Mormon Cowboy! I hope the link works. It’s so very my brother. He’s on a mission right now for our church, The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (wow that’s a mouth full to type…), and he’s being very, I like to call it, common sense about comparing religion to every day life living on a ranch.

We were raised on a ranch. I think it may have been the best thing for us. Our father taught us to have common sense and to always think. Most people don’t do that much now. My father says that he raised us the best he thought he could and I believe he did an awesome job. The things that people think are so important for parents to do, those small things that don’t really matter, like going to every single play or match or anything didn’t happen a lot. But my dad was always showing his support for us. He’d go to as many games as he could and he always made sure we had what we needed. He did great.

I think back and what really encouraged me to start my blog? Well I was watching a movie about a girl who started a cooking blog, I believe it was called Julie and Julia, and I thought, “How great would it be to get my thoughts and ideas out of just my small area and maybe find people who share my opinion or maybe even find people who challenge my ideas and make me have to try and prove they are worth fighting for.” I would encourage everyone to try and write a blog or just to write. Challenge your ideas and challenge others to write along side you! Imagine how much intellect we could cause to explode if we all challenged our ideas and tried to teach each other! It would be an Enlightenment Age all over again. A Renaissance of ideas. And not only ideas, but subject matter! Think of all that could stem from just an idea. Art, music, politics, architecture, philosophy, anything we could put our minds to!

Black and White

I am finding that there are no more black and white answers really in life anymore. Everything has to be so complicated. No more black and white areas but more shades of gray. It’s so very confusing. No one can no longer just be happy with what they have. There has to be more. There has to be something better or more fun or whatever. No one can be chill anymore. Something has to be happening in your life.

I was at church Sunday and I found myself thinking, “When did religion and common sense become so…different?” I was raised Mormon, but when the church is tell you to get married and have children and not worry about your career I get so very…well sarcastic. What are these spoken of children to eat if you can’t afford to feed them? I am such a smart ass sometimes it even surprises me…

Rock Star

I don’t care what you say, you’re so amazing that I don’t feel like I should even be allowed to stand next to you. I know I am not perfect, but you’re such an amazing person that I really feel it now. And though I know things will probably never be the same after tonight I know you’re going to be amazing now and forever. You’re meant to be. There is nothing else that you could do but be amazing.